It takes two to build a relationship. But if one is avoiding and one is pushing how does it work? I try to imagine a handcar on a railway that is only being pushed on one side. It just won’t work. This is what I call the missing peace. There is no peace when arguing all the time, so why do it? There is no peace in non communication either. Which is worse?
Arguments, criticisms, rows and not needed energy are symptoms of a side within the relationship. But it is a side that exists, and it is part of the relationship. If someone thinks it is okay to avoid then the relationship is in trouble.
It’s also hard enough if communication is bad, but if one is unwell and won’t face up to facts then what can we do?
You can only save yourself and work on yourself unless the other is asking for the help. Then there is the matter of avoidant behaviour, addiction and anxiety then we have a classic case of serious trouble.
You are bombarded by promises and ‘love’ within a relationship then suddenly it is all ripped away due to one person not being able to deliver. But the honesty is not there, And the blame is placed elsewhere, usually the other person because it is easier than looking at themselves and owning it.
‘Owning your shit’ is such a vital skill in a relationship. Being honest and open about how one feels and what one wants are also important. We all need to be able to air our angsts. If we don’t we suppress and this isn’t healthy. But take the conversation to the right place. Make time for it and it will work.
The missing peace can be seen in so many truths. The missing peace is all about love, honesty and openness between two people. Tell that person that you want to be with them but don’t take any crap. Outbursts are not part of the package and neither is feeling like the other doesn’t have your back.
That missing peace is the equilibrium you should get in a relationship from time to time. That feeling that no matter what happens between you and your partner they will always be there for you no matter what. You want them to be on your side even if they are challenging you but this can only happen if you are truly loved and feel secure. It is the insecurities in relationships that break them and this doesn’t get resolved if communication is poor. So whatever you do; communicate. Tell your partner you love them and you are happy with them. Even if you have had a disagreement or a row. Stop focusing on the symptoms of your relationship by arguing and tearing strips off each other. Look deeper into the connection, let that missing peace be the present peace. Be open and understanding and look to connect with your partner as this is what will drive your relationship to the next level.
It is a sad state of affairs if the peace in your relationship is missing. Let it be present and let it be alive. Peace should never be missing from a partnership even if it not always……